Scenario
by niuhahatamathingy
Summary: AU/semi-AU a collection of one-shots. What ifs/parodies. T for language maybe. Chapter 3 up! Magical bean sprouts and King Lavi I!
1. Chapter 1

_Hey~~_

_So this is probably my first fanfic. Any other idea is still in progress..._

_Basically, it's like parodies/what ifs. So... Enjoy! XD _

_Disclaimer: unfortunately, I don't own ... (sad isn't it?) nor whatever it a may be mixed with._

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**Chapter 1: DIY**

Long, long, long. Ohk whatever. It's ancient history. So just imagine really really long ago. There was a girl name Lenalee who was stuck in a tower. It wasn't much of a tower but well, it was a giant robot name Komourin. It was big and very flashy so it's actual intention of keeping poor Lenalee hidden actually didn't work. You may ask, Why is there a robot –insert number- million years ago? Because, it was owned by a witch with a sister complex.

"HEY! I'm a Scientist!"

"Shuddup. It's too long ago for **science **to exist."

I, the narrator, should have killed Komui off in the story so I never have to do science again (i fail science), but since he is apparently _needed_ in this story. I can't. Stupid rules of the story.

So anyway, there were many who noticed this gigantic robot in the middle of who-knows-where cuz unless you were blind (no offence to those who are) you **couldn't** miss it. Wait. I take that back. Even the **blind** couldn't miss it. It was a gawd damn robot which was double the size of thepuny forest surrounding it. **SO** anyway. Komui was apparently keeping Lenalee in for her own good (sister complex)yada yada yada.

There were rumours flying around that a girl resided inside the big robot which was allergic to coffee. Though they didn't know about the coffee thing. There were three who set on a quest to 'save' her. Lavi, who wanted glory, Allen, who wanted the all-you-can-eat-for-a-whole-year reward and Kanda, who was forced into this. Lavi with his hammer thing, Allen with his 'magical' arm and Kanda with his katana.

They set off toward the robot in the middle of the puny forest which was rightly named, um, The Puny Forest. Lavi carelessly smashed all the trees in the not-so-tree-plentiful forest which contributed to **GLOBAL WARMING.** So you can all feel free to blame Lavi for what's happening to our Earth!

At last they saw the body of the powerful robot Komourin. It had no windows so they had no idea how it get in. There was a bright florescent sign reading 'ENTRANCE THIS WAY!' (don't ask me where it came from. I bet it was time travel) so they decided to follow it cuz no one listens to Kanda who was the only one who thought it could be a trap. So they followed the neon brick road (oh gawd.) to an opening in a not so um, nice (as a way to put it) place. Who knew robots had privates?

Room after room they went through, searching for the rumoured girl. It ended up not to be a trap and Komui the stupid just kept on forgetting where the entrance was. One by one each of them failed. Lavi was knocked out by Kanda (isn't he the awesomest team mate?) Allen fell down a pit trying to save a kitten, a frog, a spider, a giraffe, an elephant, a blue whale, a mouse and a bunch of other animals I have not named at the same time. Seeing as the ones who forced him to come had all fainted/died or something, Kanda left. He didn't want to be there anyway. And so, a grumpy Lenalee was left there.

"Hey! I'm not grumpy! I'm just disappointed...!"

"Whatever... This is **my** story!"

Getting fed up she spilt the coffee she spiked sleeping pills to give to her brother so she could escape a while. The Komourin promptly went beserk and she jumped out of a make shift window. The boots she was wearing changed and she walked around on air. She kicked the Komourin and it fell splat on the ground. Lavi and Allen died in it. Poor Allen never got his food and Lenalee was free.

Moral of the story, if you want to get out of a place, do it yourself.

Oh and Komui was not needed in the end 'cause he never showed up so I murdered him but for some reason science still exists...

THE END

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_Ohk. This was just randomish and yeah...^-^it was mixed with Rupunzel but ended up not so like it... XD_

_Review? _


	2. Chapter 2

_So.. Hi!_

_Chapter 2 XD_

_Disclaimer: I don't own_

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**Chapter 2: I choose you!**

**A wild Lavi attacks!**

**GO! Kanda! **

Kanda poofs out of his exorcistball in a bad mood, scowling and glaring. Who wouldn't be? Your stuck in a tiny ball for goodness sake! He doesn't like his traineer (Allen) and when he's out of his ball, he's gnome size. (pfft. Hey everyone! I'm 10 times taller than Kanda!)

Kanda glares at the narrator.

The narrator glares back.

As the two have their glaring contest, the wild Lavi gets impatient and attacks.

**The wild Lavi uses Fire Seal!**

**A critical hit!**

**Kanda Switch Out! Go... Lenalee!**

**The wild Lavi uses Fire Seal!**

**The wild Lavi's attack misses.**

**Lenalee uses ****Stepping Skill of Sound: Sound Shackles!**

Exorcistmon trainer Allen is jumping for joy because if Lenalee is hurt his Komui will murder him.

Lenalee gets distracted by Allen the weirdo.

"HEY! I'm not weird..."

"NO ONE CARES!"

Lavi notices a chance to defeat Lenalee.

**The wild Lavi uses Fire Seal!**

**It's super effective!**

**Critical hit!**

**Lenalee has fainted.**

Allen stops jumping to gape. The Komui in his pocket is jumping about trying to get out.

Allen shoves Komui to the bottom of his pocket.

He also realises he should have focused less on Lenalee's agility and more on her defence.

He sighs with no other choice. His Komui would kill him if he let it out.

**Lenalee switch out!**

**GO ! KANDA!**

Kanda attacks Allen for switching him out.

The narrator laughs sadistically at Allen's pain.

**The wild Lavi uses Extend and bonks Kanda on the head.**

**Kanda uses ****Kaichū: Ichigen.**

**It's super effective!**

**Lavi uses Combo Seal: Strong Thunder of the Heavens.**

**It's super effective!**

**Kanda has fainted!**

"Stupid BaKanda."

Kanda has un-fainted and came back to his senses. Kanda starts chopping up the wild Lavi and exorcistmon trainer Allen.

**Kanda has levelled up. **

**Kanda has gained –a lot- of Exp.**

**Kanda has levelled up to –some level-.**

Kanda also robbed the wild Lavi and his trainer.

Moral? Don't say bad things about your exorcistmon just 'cause they fainted. They will un-faint and come destroy you! Especially if they are Kanda! Wild or not!

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**Lalala~~:**

So this is another random thing. It's with Pokemon but then everything edited suited to exorcists sound funny. O^O Like exorcistball. Though a gnome sized Kanda would be funny. XD


	3. Chapter 3

_Yo!_

_I'm actually quite happy people read this fic. Doesn't mean reviews/faves aren't appreciated XD_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Lavi or anyone else from . 'Cuz I'm no genius!_

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**Chapter 3: King**

Lavi was sitting on his pedestal for grinning, all to worship him. He was King! He King of the whole damn World so why wouldn't he be happy? He had everything he could ever wish for and a pet… **hammer?**

What. The. Fuck?

The fact he was king, didn't make sense, but honestly, how can you have a pet hammer? So it was more his main weapon but it seemed to be a good pet. It stayed when he said 'stay'. Actually that's all it did but at least it didn't hammer litter everywhere.

Ohk back to the King of the world thing.

So he sat on his pedestal with his trusty hammer next to him. Why he needed to, no one knew because there were at least a million statues of him and yet he was stoning on a pedestal. His palace was on the said pedestal so he could watch over his minions, ehem, subjects. (_certain_ *cough* Kanda *cough* people would murder him for calling them a 'minion')

He was on his pedestal eating dinner which was a very very fancy meal that I won't describe but everything was big. So everyone wonders why King Lavi I isn't fat.

So anyway, he was eating (rolls around laughing) bean sprouts. And so, the 'real' story starts.

So he was looking at the bean sprouts disgusted but the old 'panda' said if he didn't eat, he couldn't have **dessert** (which by the way was brownies) so he poked and prodded at the beans on his plate.

"HEY! That **hurts!**"

Lavi looked up from his pile of yuck to see the sprout talking.

"OH MY GOD! A TALKING BEAN SPROUT?"

"That's not nice. The name's Allen."

"Oh god! It's _talking_!"

"Yeah I think we know that already. For a King your pretty dumb you know? So anyway, to the point, if** you** (the king who is hyperventilating) don't eat me, I'll give you three wishes."

"Since when were genies in bean sprout form?"

"It's **ALLEN!** And how am I supposed to know?"

"So... my first wish…"

**CHOMP**

"OH MY GOD! MY WISH-GRANTING BEAN SPROUT! BAD HAMMER! BAD HAMMER!"

Moral. Hammers apparently need to eat too, so keep all magical bean sprouts away from them.

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**Lalala~~:**

I've been having problems with this fic since I've only got a few good ideas for this. Any suggestions? O.o

Oh this was a '_what if?'_ fic. If Lavi was king, expect the world to be slightly dysfunctional. ;] Oh and sorry I used to lord's name in vain. A lot. Sorry!

Review please?


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